SunWinks! Sunday Gather Writing Essential January 27, 2013 Language Abuse (SunWE)

Greetings and Syllabifications, Gather Gabbers!

It’s Cons Week!  I mean Prose Week!  Today’s topic is Criminal Abuse…of the language!

I’ve been collecting examples of language abuse lately.  Crime shows are a treasure trove of fractured English.  Psychologists, detectives, and commentators feel a special burden to sound self-important and knowledgeable, leading to hilarious examples of

1. malaprops
2. jargon
3. wordy constructions
4. wandering sentences

MALAPROPS

A malaprop is the use of an incorrect word, usually having a similar sound to the appropriate word.  The name comes from that of a literary character, Miss Malaprop.  Norm Crosby is a notable malaprop comedian.  Many of Yogi Berra’s greatest lines are malaprops, such as (not sure if this is actually his) “I shouldn’t have spit on the umpire, but the fine was more than I expectorated.”

Here are some commonly encountered malaprops (correction in parentheses):

The suspect’s behavior peaked our interest. (piqued)

The interrogator decided to take a different tact. (tack, as in sailing)

We were going into unchartered territory.  (uncharted, i.e. unmapped)

At the army intake center, they stripped me butt naked. (buck)

He had a lot of nerves to be able to do that.  (nerve, i.e. courage.  “nerves” means “anxiety”)

She has a hard time sticking to a diet regime. (regimen)

There was a connection between the two incidences. (incidents)

He was nonplussed; nothing fazed him.  (nonplussed=baffled)

Chomping at the bit. (The expression is “champing”. It turns out the distinction between the two words is hardly worth making, except that “champing” is something horses do.)

Here are some other, perhaps less universal, malaprops I’ve run across:

That was the only inclination I had that something was wrong. (indication or inkling)

This type of sexual predator fashions himself in a relationship with the victim. (fancies)

The forensic sketch artist must stay within the restraints of the science. (constraints.  Constraints are bounds, limitations.  Restraints immobilize.)

That one print alone puts her on the defense—it puts her at the scene at the time of the murder. (defensive)

Here are a couple important pitfalls of which I happen to have only one example today:

AMBIGUITY

Ambiguity is an important pitfall to be alert for.  If a word can mean more than one thing, choose another one.  Here’s one example from Nancy Grace:

Then after just one night behind bars, we see Jodi curled up in the fetal position and basically lying on the interrogation table giving her second version of what happened… (I think she started out to say “lying on the stand”)

JARGON

Jargon, according to some authors, is the misuse of excessively technical words:

Latent print 169a was individualized as the left palm of Jodi Ann Arias

Now it really gets fun!  Our last two categories are logorrheic* constructions and tangled run-on sentences.

(*I couldn’t resist using this word.  Logorrhea means "verbal diarrhea".)

LOGORRHEA, or WORDY PHRASES DEMONSTRATING EXCESSIVE SUPERFLUITY

Beware of redundant phrases and phrases that take six to eight words to say what could be said in one or two, or eliminated altogether.  I think I got every one of these from a single episode of Nancy Grace Mysteries.  Superfluous words in strikethrough, redundancies in italics, corrections in [brackets].

In light of the fact that

I would venture to say that

Even professional jewelers have trouble telling them from real diamonds because of their similarity. (Okay, that was a commercial during the show.)

She was there of her own free volition.

I would think the crime scene is going to be a key component in [to] the jury’s decision.

Specifically, I’m referring to the fact that

I expect the defense to focus largely on dragging Travis Alexander’s reputation through the mud and destroy any legacy he had left behind

I also think they will focus on trying to establish that she was a battered woman

There was a point in time when we were in love, but it was short-lived.  [We were briefly in love.]

At the point in time that [When] you want to rinse it out…

I think that is the single most important thing that happened

So far what the state has put in—the state’s case—alludes to [mentions] no physical violence whatsoever.

REAL-LIFE FRACTURED SENTENCES

Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer), I believe, said “Perhaps he should have left a trail of breadcrumbs before he ventured down that sentence.”  Here are some examples of Hansel-and-Gretel sentences, in order of speaker from the least culpable (real-life technicians who mean well) to the most inexcusable:

A detective:

Abrasions on the person, the absence of socks on his feet, and it appeared he had rolled down the roadway, which is all conducive to being struck by a motor vehicle.

From a police training video!

Jim, I feel the single most causal factor which led to the attack of Mike and I were our mental attitudes.

(He was trying to say "What enabled Mike and me to fend off the attack was our mental attitude.")

Crime scene analyst:

As soon as I walked in I knew that this is going to be a rather extra-ordinary-type case. There was virtually every conceivable type of bloodstain pattern incorporated into this one scene. Just the first visualization of that scene immediately told me I'm going to be here for quite a while due to the extent of the bloodshed that occurred during this struggle.

From the same forensic psychologist/commentator in the same program:

Greg, it seems, did not necessarily want something from the murder; what he wanted primarily was to do Kelly's bidding as a way of ingratiating her to him so he could enjoy that relationship.

(BTW, the correct usage is “ingratiating himself to her.” Ingratiating means “by flattery or service, currying favor for [oneself].”)

He realized that law enforcement and prosecution were going to be a much more powerful force in his life than Kelly had first represented and he figured out how to cut his losses.

Kelly's behavior was marked substantially by her comfort level in excitement seeking. The kind of risk that ordinary people would be reluctant to take because of the risk of the consequences.

And, finally, the queen of self-important wordiness, Nancy Grace:

What matters the most is what evidence speaks or resonates with the jury, and although there were some horrific crime scene photos and autopsy photos, I think what resonated with the jury the most, aside from the shock value placed on those crime scene and autopsy photos, is the intricate web of lies told by Jodi Arias, and lucky for the prosecution, much of it was caught on tape.

Taking a look analytically at all the evidence—now we’re in week four of the Jodi Arias murder one trial—there has been a mountain of evidence presented by the state against Jodi Arias.

This is all with the backdrop of the defense opening statement where they admit point blank Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander.

But what resonates probatively, which means what is proved—proven—to the jury, her lying, I think, because the jury is the sole decision-maker when it comes to credibility—who are you going to believe?—I think that’s very very important that the state establishes that she’s a liar.

The Prompt

Write a sketch featuring a self-important character who uses fractured, jargony, wordy English, and capture that in the dialogue.

• Put SunWE in the title and tags.
• Share your post with Gather Writing Essential group.
• Indicate in some way which devices or techniques I should be paying attention to.  (If responding to today’s prompt, put Language Abuse in the title field.)
• This prompt does not turn into a pumpkin a week (or even two) from today.  If your piece isn’t done in the next week or two, get it in when you can.  This is supposed to be fun.
• I will comment on every submission and include a link to it in the next column.
• If you would like a little more academic critique—but still very friendly and positive—include the word "rigorous" in your post (e.g. "rigorous critique wanted").

Responses to previous prompts below. Let me know if I missed yours.

As ever,

Doug

Free Verse

How best to express an idea

by John Beck

Dirt

by Granny Janny

My pencil lies straight as a path

by Mary Ann Slavcheff

CRYSTAL FROM ABOVE

by Audrey

Visiting Dad

by DW

Birthday

by Barbary Chaapel

Freedom

by Priya P.

© 2013 Douglas J. Westberg. All Rights Reserved.  Please share this on Gather.com, and elsewhere on the web by means of a link back to this page, but please do not copy.   Doug's latest book is The Depressed Guy's Book of Wisdom from Chipmunka Publishing.

Doug's Gather Group is Depression and Creativity, devoted to creative writing about depression and related illnesses, and creative writing as therapy.  Please consider joining.  You can read more of Doug's posts there, or here.