Sometimes it is hard to accept and rationalize death. For those who believe in God, they may even question his very existence when a loved one dies. We are left lonely, devastated and questioning. It is strange how we imagine the afterlife and try to assure ourselves of a reunion with a husband, a daughter, a wife, old friends and family. For some, who have been through extreme grief and know loss intimitely, when death knocks on their door again, the same old journey may have to be travelled again.
When someone dies it can feel impossible to understand. It does not matter at what age your loved ones depart, it hurts. So, how do we cope with grief?
Following a bereavment, there is a period where you have to allow yourself to feel the pain of loss, wallow and feed off your memories and imprint them firmly into your brain. You don't want to forget a single thing, the sound of a voice, the smell of a person, the shape, their facial features and their smile. There is a very real fear of forgetting and you must allow yourself time to grieve your loss. Take out old pictures and memorabilia and allow yourself time to remember. This really hurts however it is a stage that you should allow yourself to experience in order to move forward.
There is no better healing that to allow the bereved to talk about a lost loved one, to acknowledge their pain, their loss and to remember with them. A bereved person knows that they will never forget so it is nice to take time and not ignore their inner turmoil. Acknolodge their pain with them, allow them time to talk about their departed loved one and never ignore their loss. Express your sympathy and listen to how many people the departed person touched in their lives.
The only way one can survive the trauma and loss of a loved one is by being positive. When a younger person dies, something does not feel right. The passing of a young person brings death home; how fragile we humans really are. This shakes the very foundations of continuity and confronting our own mortality can be very difficult. The natural run of life is that people get old and die, it is sad, but natural. Younger people dying unnerves us, it is unfair that they have not had the opportunity to live their lives fully. This can be extremely hard on parents however, no matter how old a beloved one is when they die, you will still experience the same level of loss and grief.
Life will never return to normal, however a new normality emerges. You have to seek help or advice if you can not cope with your feelings and never be afraid to talk to loved ones, friends or family members about your grief. People do understand grief and so many who offer you advice do so from their own experience. Yes, hold on to all your memories, imagine our loved one smiling at you and allow yourself plenty of time to grieve and heal. Nothing can ease the pain of your loss however, life does move on and, in time, even though you never forget, you will learn how to live with your loss.
Published by rochelle moore