SIX GENERATIONS OF FIRST BORN WOMEN: CHAOS THEORY

Waiting at the international arrivals terminal to meet RG. His plane is over an hour late. This is unusual. I raced here from work. It was tough getting out early today, there was so much chaos. Deb, my assistant was talking about chaos theory right before I left. She was surprised I knew about it.

I remembered the article in the NYTimes magazine section several months ago about the young mathematician who has done much research on the theory of chaos. One can have the view that there is no such thing as chaos if you interpret it as lots of meaningless, unpredictable activity. The point of the article was that chaos can be understood, mathematically, that there is order and reason to chaos. Perhaps something positive was actually going on at the office that I was unable to see, not being a mathematician.

I had called Swiss Air and checked on the flight. I knew it would be late, but now it's 3:50 and still no sign the plane landed. The customs doors just opened, people came pouring out, more chaos. Maybe the flights in and I missed him.

My writing the last few days has not reflected my internal state. I've been so harried just trying to keep track of major events. Now, at this moment I am numb. No feeling of any kind. I spoke to Rise last night. She was too busy to come to the airport today. Lotti just didn't want too. Too many complicated emotions for her to deal with concerning RG and me. I told her about the remark Sten made in passing when he talked about the people he had in mind for his "Group", that of all of them, he said Lotti had the most integrity. "Oohh...Wow!" was her response. I knew she would be pleased.

As I stand here in the terminal, with strangers swirling around me, my thoughts wander to my own travel plans to Freidrichshof. Evidently all my STD tests must've been negative. My doctor at Harvard Community Health said she'd call thursday morning if there were any problems and there were no calls, I want a written report of all the lab tests. I had asked them to test for everything; syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, the works. (this was during the time when AIDS was thought to be a homosexual disease, so I wasn't tested for that) I plan on taking the documentation with me to Friedrichshof. I've never had symptoms of anything so I was expecting a clean bill of health. I'm hoping this will help convince them that I am serious about living in the community.

Someone bumps in to me with their luggage in tow. Still no sign of RG's plane...